what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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