There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
