i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
