its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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