hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
