..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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