so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
