Im at strip club and am horny
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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