alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
