Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
