I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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