Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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