please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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