to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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