3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The air was thick with penises
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
