someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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