I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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