do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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