I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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