just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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