Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
