does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
