Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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