my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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