I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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