i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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