The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
