say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
