Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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