Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
