In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
