Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
