I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Mom said you looked used
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
