I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
