Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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