Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
