you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
