i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
