she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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