is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
