College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
