Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
