he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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