Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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