Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
