and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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