I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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