dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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