I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
