Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am available for nakedness
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
