I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
