i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
