omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
