Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
