I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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