Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
