I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
