If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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