I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
