mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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