Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
