I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
