Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
