mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
