Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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