After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
