he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
