i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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