Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
