Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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