you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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