'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
