haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
