i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
