I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
